How Can You Attract A Positive Relationship?

Meet Carrie York, 88DB Lifestyle’s love and relationship expert who believes there are no stupid questions when it comes to love — so don’t be shy, ask anything.

RELATIONSHIPS in the year 2007: What's it like for singles living in a fast-paced, first-world country where people spend most of their time working. How can you attract a positive relationship into your life?

In today’s world of faced-paced jobs, deadlines, work commitments and everything else busy professionals have to deal with, it’s no wonder so many are dissatisfied with their romantic life.
There seems to be little time to devote to, look for, or even think about what one actually wants in terms of a romantic relationship.

Read more on How Can You Attract A Positive Relationship.

The ‘Ang Mo’ Advantage

Why we sometimes find white men hotter — and what you local guys can do about it
By Xin

WITH the influx of foreign talents homing in on our little island, it is apparently more than jobs that are being taken away.

Although this topic has been done to death, it is still very much on everyone’s mind, as it is unfortunately becoming a very real situation. While local men are sitting around coffee shops lamenting about their sad state, the foreigners are taking advantage and swooping in on the local women.

What exactly is it about the alien intruders that seem to appeal so much to the local lasses? Some say it is the white superiority complex, while others maintain that it is the exotic appeal of the blue eyed and blonde haired species that stand out so conspicuously from the crowd. But surely, it takes much more than the above-mentioned superficial qualities to forge a romantic bond.

So what can the bitter Asian man do about this disturbing trend that is definitely on the rise? Plenty.

Grow up. The fact that western culture is such that if you’re still living with your parents after you’re 21, you’re considered a loser. That is a startling contrast to Asian societies where it is the norm to see adults still living with their parents long after embarking on working life. Of course this is largely due to the filial piety values imparted on us, a key point in our traditionally Asian upbringing. But does this promote maturity? Sadly, no. While college students elsewhere in the world are slogging their guts out trying to pay for their rent and support themselves through school, our young people are still being spoon-fed.

How to go around it: Try not to whine too much, for starters. Refrain from saying things like “You shouldn’t do that! Women should just stay at home and wash dishes” or begin your sentences with “My mother said that…”

Kneel down. It has been a long running joke that men here do not propose — they simply ask their prospective partners if they want to apply for a flat together. No roses, no kneeling, zilch. That aside, Asian men have been wired to be as practical as possible. Valentine’s Day gift? Sure, he’ll fork out $10k for a state of the art snazzy television set, but only because that’s something that he’ll be able to use as well. Flowers? That’s only because he’s hoping to get some tonight, in exchange for a few pollen-laden sticks.

How to get around it: It shouldn’t take that hard to do what the white man does best — indulge his lady love, until he gets her that is. Always believe that giving and taking should be highly coveted when it comes to love, that you should always get something in return when you lavish her. Of course, do not let your attempts be too thinly veiled, lest she realises it. Unless you resemble Wentworth Miller then probably you’d have to fork out a fair sum to win her heart.

Get a life. Asian men are boring — admit it. When with an Asian date, I put up with conversation topics that revolve around the same few things: NS life, NS life and NS life. Of course, there are the vaguely interesting ones, where they would try to tell you how they managed to bag 7As without trying. Nice.

How to get around it: If you haven’t noticed by now, women love to talk about themselves. All you have to do is to give them the cue to do so. For example, a good opening would be, “That’s a really awesome dress, I think red really brings out your rosy cheeks.” She’ll not only feel flattered, she’ll also start to twitter excitedly about how “I discovered red was my colour, and oh and there was this once last year, I…” You get the idea. Once the floodgates are open you can survive with minimal conversation, and still come across as a master conversationalist.

So, it is not that hard to counter the moves so regularly used by our white counterparts. Tread carefully and, if all else fails, always remember that women in Singapore outnumber the male population 52:49 so there is no lack of potential partners. Just be patient!

Disclaimer: The author wishes to add that she is happily attached to a Boring Asian Male in every aspect of the term.

8 Self-Help Books to Improve your Relationships

LADIES might get their monthly relationship advise from fashion magazines, but 88DB recommends these eight self-help books to both sexes. For women, it is definitely more in depth than all the fluffy relationship columns, and for guys, stop thinking it’s embarrassing to read this stuff. You’ll never know until you try.

1. The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved by Matthew Kelly
   Kelly begins his book with a statement: Sex is not intimacy. The first half of the book discuss factors that are not considered forms of intimacy. Then proceeds to Kelly’s seven levels of intimacy: facts, opinions, hopes and dreams, feelings, faults, fears and failures, and legitimate needs. It would be a greater impact for you if this book is read with your partner.


2. Weekend Love Coach: How to get the love you want in 48 hours by Lynda Field
   More like a magazine, Weekend Love Coach is written in a friendly tone, and features tips, questionnaires, and even celebrity case studies. Field is Cosmopolitan’s resident Life Coach, so you ladies can be sure to trust her views.


3. The Secret of Staying in Love: Loving Relationships through Communication by John Powell
   This book focuses heavily on how loving yourself would enable you to improve relationships with your partner, family, or friend. Although written by a priest, The Secret of Staying in Love has minimal religious references, and is effortless to read. Powell strongly encourages deep introspection and self-love through his pages, so be ready for an insightful outlook of yourself.


4. Sex & Love for Grownups: A No-Nonsense Guide to a Life of Passion by Sallie Foley
   Written in a Q&A format, Sex & Love for Grownups is humourous, amusing, and fun. Foley assesses relationship problems, then provides a step by step guide to go about solving it. As the title suggests, this book is meant for those in the 40s and up.


5. Addiction To Love: Overcoming Obsession And Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody
   A recovering love addict herself, Peabody explores the different situations in which love addicts find themselves in, and presents a recovery program to save yourself from anymore emotional harm. She also reveals this damaging addiction can involve relationships with family members and friends as well.


6. How to Live with a Man... And Love It! by Jennifer Worick
   Unlike all the serious self-help manuals, this retro themed one is more for entertainment purposes rather than serious problem solving. If you don’t read into all the sexist statements and idealistic ideas, this book does provide practical solutions too. Its 50s inspired designs and images is easy on the eyes, which makes it an excellent gift too!


7. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples by Harville Hendrix
   As a couples counselor, Hendrix’s divorce wounded him awfully, so he started exploring the technical aspects of love through this book. Through interesting case studies depicting the psychology of love and major problems in marriages, Hendrix provides valuable advice as more of a therapist than an author.


8. When You Love A Man Who Loves Himself: How to Deal with a One-Way Relationship by W. Keith Campbell
   So you think you’ve bagged the best looking charmer in town? You might want to give this book a go before you start suffering in the relationship. Campbell identifies the traits of common narcissists, describes how they view their relationships, and reasons why women are so attracted them. This well researched piece also recommends methods for ladies to stay well away from narcissists.
   

How To Meet The Perfect Girl Online

Online, it’s easy for any man to go to a woman and tell her anything — but it takes a special man to actually approach a woman in person.
By Mark Rosmar

LOTS of men often ask me if meeting women on the street and in public isn’t gradually becoming obsolete in today’s modern society with the growing popularity of the Internet. My answer to that is: Have vehicles become obsolete since the growing popularity of aviation?

The truth is that the Internet serves it purpose. Is there really any method that can compare to being able to meet all kinds of women — from as close as the girl next door to as far as the four corners of the globe — all in a single click? Probably not.

But just like everything else, the Internet as a method for meeting women has its advantages and disadvantages. Firstly, there is no comparison to seeing a woman in the flesh who you admire and plotting the course to meeting her and ultimately becoming a part of her life. Of course this too can be done on the Internet; but one big difference on the Internet, the woman is virtual.

Over the past few months I have taken a look at a few of the sites out there which have crept up to fill this void which introduce men and women to each other. They all seem to serve their purpose. As a matter of fact, I have known people who have met their perfect matches on some of these sites and have even gone on to do the ultimate.

On the other hand, I am all too familiar with people who have come away from the Internet experience so beaten, broke, frustrated and battered because they have been disappointed, disillusioned and let down — by the photo collectors (those e-women who only collect photographs of people they “meet” on the Net) and those women who supply fake photographs that bear no resemblance to who they actually look like.

Then there are those who, like Miss Haversham from the old novel “Great Expectations”, having been spurned and burned by relationships in the past, set out to trawl the Net causing as much pain as possible to every man whom she happens to come across. The Internet is full of these women.

In the age of political correctness and women’s liberation, these women are more than likely wreaking vengeance on the spineless men of the net as vengeance for the absence of men approaching them off of it.
I have come to verify that experiences on the Internet aren’t too different for the women either.

However, there’s one caveat for the fairer sex: the men that these ladies hope to and do attract are so desperate for attention and anything else on offer that they are willing to jump through every hoop which the women put in front of them so that they can have the chance to be with these women. These men are willing to pander (virtually and really) to these women’s every need, and numerous Net-women have to practically fight these characters off with a stick.

Some of the women seem like the perfect women who you really would want to meet and introduce to mother, but then you realise that you have been more or less automatically eliminated as soon you read the profile. Now, that’s honesty. But what are you then supposed to do? Run away with your tail between your legs or stick around, call the bluff, face the challenge and try to convince her otherwise?

Then there are the ones that you never hear from — and those are the high-quality ones.

I know a single friend of mine whose phone was always ringing off the hook with calls from these women, but he meets few of them and has never got past “first base”. We figured it was because he was giving these women too much “special consideration” on his web space and profile. After he ceased that, desperate practice all this has started to change.

Look, the Internet can be and is a fun place to meet women, and it seems like this will remain so for quite some time. However, it is helpful not to take the women who you meet out there too seriously —at least not until you get personally to know them.

One thing that men must remember is that, on the Internet, it is easy for any man to “approach” any woman and tell her anything. But it takes a special man to actually approach a woman in person.

A lot of the skills that will prove very helpful if you really want to get into this thing you can find in the book, “The Lazy Man’s Guide to Seduction: How To Meet & Seduce Today’s Modern Women”. It’s an information-packed guide about approaching, meeting and seducing women in the modern world and puts you at a definite advantage when it comes to building proper relationships with women. It will save men loads of time in their online as well as offline pursuits with women.

Mark Rosmar is the owner of http://www.lazy-seduction.info. His website is geared for men who are interested in meeting and seducing women along with the landmark book, "The Lazy Mans Guide To Seduction." This article was sources from articlecity.com